Bold may hold but Im more fond of that which fades

A year is getting closer and closer. I’m still stuck in the first month. Constantly trying to move on. Steadily progressing, but I’ve never been as happy as then. Never felt more fulfilled than with her. I understand how pathetic nostalgia and regret are, but not an undistracted minute has gone by that I haven’t regretted losing her. Everything I do I want her to be a part of. Nothing, and nobody, can pull me away from that feeling. It doesn’t get easier, and I can’t fix it. I always thought the term heartbroken was childish, but I’m anything but whole without her. Nobody has ever talked or listened to me like her. Nobody has ever understood me like her. And i felt the same way towards her. I’ve never cared about another persons well being more in my life. And yet I threw it all away. I made the fucking choice. I, clear headed and sober, chose to leave. All out of selfishness and fear. And I hate myself for it. I hate that part of me and regret letting it win. And now its far past too late. It’s far from anything but my own problem. I’m dead sober right now, at the end of a great day with friends, and still, all I can think of is how i wish I could tell her about it. It’s fucking pathetic sounding, but the truth. I can’t confide in a single person, so I put it on here for nobody to read. I’m fucked. Fuck being ashamed anymore. I’m still in love with somebody that has moved on, and every day I’m trying to find a way to be happy without her.

“When I’m drunk I miss you
When I’m sober I miss you
When I’m happy I miss you
When I’m sad I miss you
I miss you every time I look in someone else’s eyes
I miss you every time there’s someone else by my side
Every time I watch tv I miss you
Every time I go out to eat I miss you
I always see things you’d love
I always think of things I’d love to get for you
Every moment I feel happy to be alive I miss you
Every moment I want to die I miss you
Your laugh
Your smile
Your eyes
Your silliness
Your weaknesses
I love you undeniably
For better or worse
I always compare life to you
I’d rather share everything with you
The good and the bad
I’m able to find greatness
But it’d be less than perfect, if it wasn’t you.”